i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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