That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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