just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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