Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
