alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
