If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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