Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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