Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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