Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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