I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
