either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
