there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
