There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
