If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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