He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
