Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
