As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
