i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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