I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
