Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
