Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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