Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
