Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We just shotgunned beers for America
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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