remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize