I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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