I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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