Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
