My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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