I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
