well I can't set my house on fire every night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
