he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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