Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
