I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dicks are not precious.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
