god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
