wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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