I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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