Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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