He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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