so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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