Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
