today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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