Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
