That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
