So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
