I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We have so much sex to catch up on
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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