Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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