Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
