She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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