Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
