I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
