I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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