Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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