You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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