So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize