I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
