What did we do last night that was yellow?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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