Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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