mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My pussy is not your playground.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
