you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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