I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize