whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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