hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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