Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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