That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
