i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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