I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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