think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
